Hey everyone. I'm losing internet... and it's they're suppost to turn it off tomorrow or something like that. So I won't be able to update this in a while. Sorry I couldn't write more but I am sending individual emails to all my friends and everybody in my address book... sorry about the rest of ya.

Peace, Love, Rock & Roll
~Kyren

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Greetings everyone... major turn of events. Who knew someone actually read my weblog quite frequently? I was on my way out on another "adventure" when my friend (I wish not to say who) caught me on my way out. I got into a long talk with her early this morning, not even three hours after I posted the last post. Just to explain what's all really happening... She made me promise that I wouldn't leave at least until next year. Being a man of my word... I promised to her that I wouldn't leave. Everybody... all my feelings from the last post still stand... but I feel that I won't be leaving until next year. Most know that my "adventures" have led me from here in Texas to San Diego, California to Orlando, Florida to New York City. As Bilbo Baggins would say, "Whenever on the road, always watch your feet... for you never know where you may be swept away to." I guarentee though... that none of you will see my departure coming... to prevent another promise that I can't get out of from happening again.
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Well... everyone... this will either be my last post for a while or my last post all together. So much shit is just happening to me all at once... that i've just about had enough of it. I hardly take it any more and I feel the longer this keeps up... i'm going to fucking lose it and end up doing something that i'll regret later. I may yet turn from an observer into a wanderer. Where i'll go... I dunno. How long will I be gone... I haven't a clue. Brutal true self discovery is at hand... and I really wish it didn't have to begin like this.

Note to my friends:

I'm sorry that I have to say goodbye to you all. Maybe "fate" will make our paths cross again someday. I really wish I could of told every single one of you goodbye in person... but it all happened so fast... that one couldn't help but just give into the flow. I will return someday... I guarantee it.

Note to my family:

I know alot of you rarely see as it is... but I think it may become even longer before you ever see me again. I love and care for every single one of you... i'm sorry things have to be this way. I promise you... I will be back some day.

Note to my parents:

I'm pretty sure that neither of you will even read this until someone points out to you that I have an online journal. I felt rejected by both of you enough that i'm sick and tired of enduring all your bullshit. All you do is complain about every damn thing wrong in this world... overlooking and destroying what little peace was left. Dad... i'm finally taking your "wisdom" and taking your "advice" and leaving. If i've been such a god damn problem to you... why didn't you just fucking tell me to leave sooner?! And... Jean.... what kind of mother have you really been to me? You just walk up and leave not giving a shit about your god damn kids... and now you expect me to welcome you back with caring arms like nothing ever fucking happened! Fuck that shit... fuck that shit... Jean... I don't even consider you my mother anymore... so stop thinking of me as your son. Go run back to your other son Carlos. He's just as fucked up as you are anyways. Just as ignorant like as well. Older Half-brother or not... I will never respect him... No body demands respect out of me... you have to fucking earn my fucking respect! I feel I shouldn't even let this get to me. Good bye.


Peace, Love, Rock & Roll
~Kyren

Ah! my god! I feel like my life is once again in an overwhelming spiral. Why does it seem that I mainly write on this weblog when I need to vent? Oh well... deal with it... if you don't like it... stop f*cking reading my weblog! I'm sorry... i'm pissed, tired, sore, moody and lovestruck all at once right now.

First off... i'm pissed because these stupid pop-up ads just got my Diablo 2 character killed while I was fighting Baal in Hell Difficulty in Hardcore mode. If you don't know what hardcore mode is... well let's just say... when your character dies... that's it... no more... end of the line. (hint:START OVER!) If you don't know what Diablo 2 is? then look it up! God damnit that really angers me... I put a full month of playing into that character, cheating death at every corner... for him to be killed by a pop-up ad that stated:

**********************************************************************************************************************************
Message from Nikki to YOU on 10/18/2003 2:4109 PM

HI! ARE YOU TIRED OF ALL THE POPUP ADS LIKE THIS ONE THAT FILL YOUR SCREEN?

Go to http://(blah... blah... blah...im not going to endorse these bastards!).com for FREE information on how to stop these ads! Stop **ALL** PopUps in just a couple of minutes without any special computer knowledge. Go to (blah.... blah... blah...) today!

Pressing OK will not take you to (blah... blah...) so write down the website before pressing OK.

Hope to see you there!
************************************************************************************************************************************

I swear... i'm going to get that Nikki back one of these days... Secondly... i'm tired because I just got through decorating my house for Halloween. (It wouldn't have been much of a chore if I got to decorate it the way I wanted it.) Now thrid... i'm sore because i was fencing with the South Houston High School Varsity and Beginner teams yesterday for 2-3 hours. Marisol and Cristal seem to finally useing what me and marcus taught them and they styles have seemed to have improved alot since I last saw them. Now Marcus and Phillip need to improve... i've been fencing off and on and I'm still ahead of them... and they practice almost every morning. Just thinking about it... I've gone undefeated since the University of Houston tournament so my chances of getting my "C" are starting to look pretty good. But I better not fill my head with victory yet... the South Houston tournament isn't til November. Now fourth... I have no idea why i'm having a mood swing and finally I'm still lovestruck for the certain girl that i've been whining about for quite some time now! Okay... i've heard all kinds of advice and i've given tons of advice myself. I've never had trouble asking a girl out before... but this time... I don't know. I'm not afraid... it just seems that everytime I talk to her... we get sidetracked into talking about something. Whether it be fencing techniques, how everyone's doing, and even quoting Simpsons episodes. I wish things would be easier but I hardly get a chance to see her as it is. I think time together would be needed to have a successful relationship. Man... Last night... I could hardly sleep... I was thinking about what my friend Guillermo told me once. I recall him talking to Kennith's parents while introducing his girlfriend (Bara... a real easy going chick from Cali.) to them or something like that. Kennith's father I believe started to talk about an old chinese legend or saying or something... that when both people involved in a relationship look alike or have the same feature(s)... kinda like siamese twins (aka Soul mates) born apart and that they find their way back to each other... that the relationship is going to last and the couple will stay together through good and bad times. Kinda in the terms of fate and destiny. I hardly believe in fate and destiny myself... but I think that in this world... anything is possible. Okay... for most of you who know my friends personally or whatever... but never have noticed this... don't worry I was kinda shocked myself. For those who don't know who i'm talking about... i'll try to get some pics posted later on. I won't post the pic of me and the girl of my dreams until im for sure of the outcome. Only those who are suppose to know... know... and those who aren't... dont. I find life made easier that way.

Okay... first example... Guillermo and Bara. They both have this aura of Sarcastic wittyness and intelligence. Most of the time... when you see either of them... they almost always have a smile on their faces. The image of these two become shocking now that you know what to look for.

Example two... Brandon and Roccio. I know... Brandon's milking the phrase "my wife left me..." for all that he can get. But all in all... Brandon still loves her and she loves him just as much... their timely separation is mainly due to their rush to get married. Okay... similiarities... both are skinny, pale looking and have bold black hair. They are both pretty humorous and down to earth. The image of these two is even more shocking than Guillermo and Bara.

Now finally example three... Rick and Mindy. Now in a nutshell... you'll think im crazy when I say they resemble each other. I got one picture of these two that got me really think about this whole concept that I wrote a pretty long weblog about it. No matter how much I try to describe it.. i'll probably fail to get your attention at it. You'll just have to wait until I get some pictures up for you to actually truely understand.

You are a Dark Mask, the fourth class of vampire.
You can adapt easily to any climate and
situation. Your servants are few, mostly
because you choose not to sire others. Your
chief ability is shiftery-- you can become
anyone or anything. Overall, you are a great
person. Keep us guessing.


What class of vampire are you? (some new images)
brought to you by Quizilla


No real surprise there. I'm a pretty virsitile person. Like i've always said while watching the X-Men... If I could have 1 mutant power it would either be shapechange (like Morph) or energy charge (like Gambit).

Song of the moment: "No Leaf Clover" by Metallica

I seriously hate emotional drama and social politics. It's always the same sh*t over and over again. I'm going to start pushing my brother and his gf out of my life and out of all of my business. They are totally pissing me off!

On a related note... the Renaissance Festival Trip went pretty good. Even though this is where most of the damn social politics began. The trip was fine with me, korey and kelly ann but when rick, mindy and tracee got into the mix. All we heard was B*** S***! I'll see if I can post some pics that I got off my digital... I really need to buy a better memory stick... this 16mb just isn't enough.

I'm pretty sure this year I'm going to fail English / Composition I. I better just drop the damn class before it goes against my record. Today just isn't a good day. Aside from all of this... I just feel myself slipping back into a form of depression again... damn knowledge. I've began to noticed that with knowledge comes great disappointment and bitterness. No matter how optimistic I try to be... the world's incompetence just amplifies... I hate it... I seriously hate it. I really should just become a hermit and escape all this bitterness... and just fade away like so many before have already.

Society sucks. Evil men/women are idolize and heroes are forgotten. Radicals are forever remembered while there victims fade and become lost souls in time. My examples: Adolph Hitler, Jack the ripper, the Zodiac Murders, the Washington Sniper.

Why is it that someone has to die a famous death in order to be remembered? My examples: Murder?/Suicide? = Kurt Cobain, Assassination = Martin Luther King Jr., and (for the religious people) crucifixion = Jesus Christ. Now I could care less about being remembered by future generations... but I think it's fucked up that such desperate actions must be taken just to be. Damnit I need $#%@ (that's not a curse word... just the name of someone I wish to leave anonymous.) ... I love that girl with all my heart's desire... but my heart has become so stone cold and I have become so damn emotionless that I don't even know what I what anymore. Kill me now. I've suffered enough...

Hey Everyone... i'm getting ready to head out but before I do I thought I'd make a quick post in here. Well... today... some stranger approached me and asked if I had a couple of bucks that I could give him because he claims to have ran out of gas and needed to get to Texas City for some reason. All because I wanted to go to the bakery... I lost $4 bucks instead of $2. Oh well... I feel like I got tricked... but oh well. I would want someone to help me if I got caught in a perdictament like that. Well... I just bought myself a digital camera so hopefully i'll be able to post some pics from the faire.

Besides all of this madness... I think i've actually fallen for someone... but the weird part is... she's not any of the three that I mentioned earlier. Guillermo... you know who i'm talking about right?

hmmm... my friend VampireChickk reminded me of a poem (or some sort of writing) that I wrote along time ago. Most have never read this one so here it is:

Vampire (Poem #012)

Here you are, stabbing a stake into my heart.
My life flashing before me, as you forcefully tear it apart.

The blood I've spilled,
The people I've killed.

I've Witnessed the terror in their eyes...
As I hear their final cries,
Pleading with me to spare them their lives...

Being a Vampire isn't as fascinating as it may seem.
At first, it felt as if it were only an enchanted dream.

For centuries trapped in darkness,
Never again, to feel the warm sun upon my pale skin.

Time and time again I've tried to understand why.
But now, thanks to you, I shall finally die.


Try and understand this one... (it goes beyond vampires mind you...)

Rain... rain and more rain. yup... that's all that is happening today. It's raining too hard where I live so I guess I can't go to school tonight. damn... oh well... i planned on dropping that class anyways. BASIC Animation is just too easy. Why would I complain about an easy college credit you ask? well... I feel that if i'm going to pay for school... I would like to learn something that I haven't already found out myself for free. Hey Guillermo... I tried to "hang in there" like you told me but... AH! This class is just so damn annoying for me to be wasting my nights on it. I hardly ever have any down time... and only weekends to hang with my friends. I'm either at school, practice, or work (in which I quit already and that got filled in with practice some how) It's may sound like i'm saying way too soon but... I need a vacation...

How sad it is that students now in days have to rack their brains with stress just to be successful now in days. Okay on that same topic... I already got into an argument with some guy who said that he made something of himself after dropping out of high school is sophmore year. He said he got is GED and now he's in the coast guard making I forgot how much money... obviously it wasn't that much to wow me. He said that he was also able to get himself transferred into the Marines where he'll be given a higher rank and a better pay. Okay... just to straighten all this out... I'm glad that he turned out to be more than a street corner hobo... but I'm still thinking he's life would have been better just finishing high school and going to college. We got into an arguement... he said that I was jealous of his life and that I wished that I had thought of such a cleaver plan through life.

First off... all my friends can tell you... i'm not the jealous type... someone could tell me that my girlfriend (if I have one at the time) is making out with another guy but I truthfully wouldn't give a shit... I view that perdicament as... if she loves me than I shouldn't have worry about everything she does... i'd trust her every word until she has proven herself unhonest. if she wants someone else... then by all means she's free. I'll just fade to black.

okay back to the ignorant guy... I just straight out told him that... sure he may seem successful on the exterior. But I can achieve all that he has achieved with knowledge while he has to put his life on the line and prepare to dodge bullets. The true sad part about this story is... he was one of the first texas/american soldiers to die in Iraq. That arguement we had lives in my head everyday... along with a variety of other bitter memories... but no body seems to just take my words of wisdom into consideration. I feel bad about the fact that the lasting descriptions that I have of this un-named man (I refuse to revel his name for his families sake) is that he was ignorant, strong headed and stubborn. Sure... i've only lived 19 years on this mortal plane... but I have meet a variety of people who were as eager to pass down knowledge to me as I was to receive it. For being 19... i've seen too many die before my eyes (refering to my New York trip...i'll write more about that later on) and seen too many souls with "death sitting on thier shoulders".

okay I didn't write this sonnet... but I love it to "death"... (especially the first 2 stanzas) It tells alot of how I personally view "death." Many that I know don't understand it but hey... many don't understand me as well. If you want me to summerize it then just email me. Well... Laterz!


HOLY SONNET X (Holy Sonnet #10)

By John Donne


Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so ;

For those, whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy picture[s] be,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.

Thou'rt slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke ; why swell'st thou then ?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And Death shall be no more ; Death, thou shalt die.

Hey Everyone... I'm just a bit tired and stressed right now so i'll just post a poem here for today. Later!

My Outer Mask (Poem #675)

I live behind a mask you see...
In fear you'll get a glimpse of me...

the fear of another knowing this too...
fear demands I mask and hide from you...

it has become so natural of me...
this un-natural person you always see...

so when i'm gone...
and no more to be...

you can only bury...
what you thought was me...

copyright © Broken Moon Music 2001 - 2004

Ventrue
You are the strong and smart Ventrue. In the field
of politics or the field of battle, your clan
often comes out on top.


What Camarilla vampire clan do you belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah... another quiz... (oh yeah...) Greetings again everyone (blah blah blah)... Sorry about the lack of updates but... you know... school... work... and all sorts of other junk. It's all driving me mad... but I think i'll survive. Here's the lyrics to a song that I wrote "back in the day" (aka 2 years ago I think...) This song has more meaning than what people often come to realize and believe. Maybe i'll post more of my poetry & lyrics later on. Enjoy...

Leech (Lyric Thought #0127)

My lovely leech...
My lovely vampire...

you give me ethereal nightmares...

Your my gothic fire...
my only true desire...

my lovely devil
my cruel friend
what we have is more than just pretend

I live by day and you do by night...
when your angry
your not a pretty sight

you consume all that your hands can take
what you cannot have
you will then break...

So lovely angel with wings of air
So lovely angel of despair
Your beyond my mortal grasp

forever shrouded in shadow...
forever trapped in darkness...


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"We're all mad here..."
~Cheshire Cat